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23-Jan-2016 04:11

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At the age of 33 I’ve only ever had one real boyfriend.

By ‘real boyfriend’ I mean a guy who I dated and everyone in my life knew that I was dating him.

But every time I sat down to write about him my words felt like they were deflated and like the post’s message was not taking on a large enough scope. That first meeting was brief, but on our second meeting we sat and talked for a very long time about horror movies. One important detail about Thomas, and perhaps the single largest contributing factor to our relationship’s downfall, was his age. In our case, the 9-year difference was one of the things that attracted him to me, and me to him, but it ended up being an overall negative.

All of his decisions and motivations were based on what benefited and satisfied him. He was young in all the traditional and enviable ways. Through him I saw an old reflection of Adam at the age of 21. In the past two years I was most attracted to and enlivened by Calvin and Thomas, two men in their early twenties.After it was over, Thomas personally told me that he had cheated on me twice in the short amount of time we were dating. He’s excited about his school, excited about the possibilities ahead of him in his journey, and he talks about love like it’s a concept he just discovered yesterday. I never got to pass notes with him in class, or hold hands with him at homecoming, or take walks with him on warm summer nights.I never got to visit my boyfriend in his college dorm room, or study with him at a table in our college library, or feel his reassuring touch beside me in a dark movie theater.It could not have felt more like college if I had planned it, and it was wonderful.

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In all honesty, I don’t think I will ever see Calvin again. It doesn’t need another instance in order to teach its lesson.

Over this past weekend the bigger message here presented itself to me. I am a communicator, a giver, and a person who desires to talk out problems.

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